Birth of Fiona Sunshine

Tuesday, December 5th, I started having decent contractions in the late evening. Enough so, that I downloaded an app to track the contractions. They were irregular but strong and ended up stopping around 4 am completely. My mother-in-law always flies out when we tell her I’m in labor, and so we gave her a heads up that baby could be coming soon. Since the fires in California were getting worse, she decided to fly out the next day. This made me a little anxious because I wanted to make sure the baby was born sooner rather than later, so that we could have Grandma’s help for as long as possible with the new baby. 

So, Grandma arrived Wednesday afternoon, and I hadn’t had any labor pains, not even any braxton hicks, so I was a little bummed. We decided to go to Cotsto and just pick up a few things and it was a warm place to walk around. I was stopped by 3 different people commenting “Wow, you’re really pregnant” Which I thought was funny because I had been to Costco just a few days earlier and nobody said a thing about my big belly. 

We got home just before the kids got home from school and about an hour later (4pm) I started having some labor pains. They weren’t super strong but I decided to start timing them. The kids were distracted with Grandma and I was able to just ride out the contractions as they started to pick up. I had initially planned to birth in our living room, but with Grandma here earlier than expected, the kids would now be home while I birthed. I slowly started to prep our master bedroom for the birth. I still didn't really think I was in labor but I wanted to be prepared just in case. 

Contractions got stronger and were about 5-7 minutes apart. I asked Micah if he thought I should call the midwife and just give her a heads up. He said I definitely should, especially since she was coming from Dallas and would likely hit traffic at this time. So I called in, and Dinah called me back. I was SO happy she was the one on call! I talked to her about what was going on and I told her I didn’t want her to have to drive all the way out here only for the labor to stop again, she said “Oh, no, it’s not going to stop” and she said it so confidently that I think I believed her enough to let myself go into labor.

So, I started texting friends and the photographer to let them know, tonight was probably the night. It was around 5 or 6 now and things had progressed but I was still a bit in denial. 

As I labored alone in my room, I would cry during each contraction. I would just sob as I rolled on my exercise ball, in my dim room, with my birth playlist going. Big, beautiful tears. These tears were not from pain, but just emotion. Strong emotions would just flood me with each contraction. Feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness, excitement and more anxiety. With each contraction, I would cry and just allow that emotion to be there, I would hold the space for it to just flow through me. I thought I was a little crazy and unstable, but as the contractions went on and I allowed these emotions the exist, I was able to work through them, one by one. It was incredible. I felt so present and so aware of what I was doing. My body had some hard work ahead and I still had unresolved emotions that my head needed to work though. This crying/contraction combo lasted about two hours. It was one of the most beautiful parts of this birth. 

Just as my sweet friend Britta arrived, I felt like I was ready for labor and the crying slowly stopped. Britta and I could just chat and listen to music in my room as I labored. Dinah (super midwife) showed up soon. With Dinah and Britta, my room felt safe and peaceful. Micah started getting the birthing tub set up and was busy with the big kids. I was just in my room allowing the contractions to come and go. They came like prefect, strong waves. They were intense but not painful. I could feel the work my body was doing. Dinah would give me counter pressure which felt good. This went on for about 3 hours. It was perfect.

The birthing tub was ready around 8:30, the contractions were strong and that water sounded good! Dinah said I should have one more contraction, go to the bathroom, then get in the tub. The next two contractions were pretty intense. I had not been checked at this point, and just before getting into the water I thought “Maybe I should have Dinah check me?” but then I immediately thought, “NO, because if I’m not far along I’ll be discouraged, and if I”m far along, I might freak out”. I wanted to continue to just listen to what my body wanted and let it guide me. 

I got into the tub and the water felt great! I had a strong contraction in the water and my emotions kicked in. I got the “fear” because I knew hard work was coming. I just didn't realize how quickly it would come! Micah came into the room and I thought “Where have you been!?! Stay here, you’re not leaving!” I didn't say these things, but he knew what I was thinking. He kneeled down in front of the tub and I used him to brace myself through the next contractions. I was on my knees, leaning forward into him, and a strong contraction came and I felt a “pop” and said “I think my water broke!” This just got real! When the next contraction came, my body just started bearing down and I started pushing with all my might. I was making loud, primal noises and it felt good! I could feel the baby descending down, it was an incredible sensation.

 Then with the next contraction, I pushed with everything I had and I could feel the baby crowning. The head was right there! I could feel everything but it wasn’t painful, just intense. I thought “Oh, please don’t go back in! Please just come out, baby!” I waited for the next contraction and pushed baby’s head out! I leaned back so i could sit and I felt this head between my legs! Under water! It was insane! I said “Can’t I just pull it out!” But the midwife said to just wait for the next contraction, which felt like an eternity!! It was almost 2 minutes and then I had a contraction and pushed the rest of baby out and lifted that sweet little babe onto my chest. 

Baby was here and it was amazing! The flood of hormones and emotions is just too incredible for words. I did it. I grew this sweet angel for 40 weeks and now my body pushed this baby out! Baby was perfect and I felt between baby’s legs and said “I think it’s a girl?” but i wasn't sure, so I held her up and said “Oh, wait its a boy!” then, “Oh, nope, it’s a girl!” Her labia looked like a nut sack, but once I got a good look, I realized it was a girl. 

From the beginning of the pregnancy, I just felt like this was a girl. I just knew. We never had the ultrasound to find out the sex, so I had my moments of doubt. I didn’t think I could just know that it was a girl, but I did. She was here, and she was perfect. Grandma brought the big kids in to meet our girl and Layla was able to cut the cord, once it was done pulsing. I sat in the tub with this baby and just couldn’t stop staring, she was perfect, she was here, she was a SHE! Eventually I got out of the tub and onto the bed, i was able to nurse her right away. I was so grateful to have successful breastfeeding once again! About an hour or so later, they finally weighed and measured her. 7 lbs 13 oz. Then, after I delivered the placenta, the midwife checked me, no tearing! WOO HOO! I was so happy. This birth was everything I hoped for! It went so smoothly.

When I look back at this pregnancy and birth, I think of it as a time of listening, and of honoring myself. I never weighed myself this pregnancy, I have no idea what I weighed when I got pregnant or at the end. I am so grateful my midwives allowed this, I listened to my body during pregnancy and that skill was so helpful during birth. Even more so, I have this skill in my everyday life. When things are hard, I can turn inward and listen. I can honor myself, and move forward with confidence.

I stretched often. Ate real food. Ate delicious food. And just took care of myself, eliminating as much stress as possible and meditating when things came up. For me, eating clean during pregnancy is probably the easiest (minus the few weeks at the end of the first trimester, that’s just survival time) time because I think about the fact that everything I eat is what is building my baby. Do I want a baby built out of weird chemicals, gross hormones or frankenfoods? No, i want only the best organic, high quality foods to build this sweet baby. I don’t believe in a “perfect diet” but I believe in listening to your body and seeking out the highest quality of what your body is asking for. 

During the labor, I didn't get checked, I listened to my instincts and what I needed. I moved through it all. I held the space for my emotions. I didn't judge myself, I loved myself. I thought I would want a bunch of friends around me during the labor, but I found myself honoring my introverted self and relying mostly on my own strength. It felt so good to do this hard work in the privacy of my bedroom. 

WOMEN ARE INCREDIBLE!!!! I am just amazed at what our bodies can do! LOVE your body. LOVE your soul. HONOR what God has blessed you with. Nobody is perfect. We are all perfectly imperfect and it is the best! Because of these mantras, I know it made this pregnancy my easiest, physically. I let go of image, I stopped comparing, as best I could. I loved myself, instead of hating my flaws. I embraced it all and I got back so much love in return.

It is a few days postpartum, and my emotions are even, my body is bouncing back quickly and most importantly, I have a healthy baby girl! Fiona Sunshine is her! And we are so in love!

I'm finally posting this on Fiona's 6 month birthday. Reading my birth story and looking at the pictures, it all comes rushing back. I can't believe how wonderful it all went. There is such a power to love, to positive thinking and to listening. I'm so grateful for this birth and for our sweet Fiona Sunshine. It feels like she was born yesterday but like she's been here forever. I love you, my sweet peach.

Home Birth of Luke Superhero Shipley

It has been six weeks since Luke's birth. I realize I need to write this birth story because the pain is already forgotten and now that I am all healed I find myself thinking, "Oh, I could do that again!" With Mason and Layla's births they were both "late" and born in the 41-42 week window. I assumed this birth would be the same, that I would have a huge swollen belly long past my due date, which was May 12th, but I was wrong. On May 4th, I found it difficult to sit through church, I just couldn't get comfortable. Contractions were intermittent, as they had been for the past few days. No big deal, but I wanted to go home and get comfortable. Monday, May 5th, Micah was on shift and I told him the night before that I felt kinda "laborish" but it wasn't any big deal. My body was just getting prepared and I was welcoming the changes and discomforts because I felt it would mean a shorter labor. The same type of thing had happened with Layla for a few weeks, so I thought nothing of it. Most of the day, I found myself needing to lay down or switch positions because the contractions were just annoying. We went to bed at 9 and around 1 am I had to get up and walk around. The contractions were keeping me up and I just couldn't get comfortable. Still, I didn't think anything of it, but I text Micah and said " Can't sleep through contractions, so I am getting in the tub. I will text you if things pick up." His reply, "Okay."I got in the tub for about an hour and things didn't' really change but it felt nice. I then decided I needed a good nights rest because I know how cranky I get when I don't get enough sleep. I said a prayer that I would be able to sleep through the contractions the rest of the night and get my rest. Things stopped and I was able to fall asleep. I woke up at 7 am. Micah wasn't home yet and the contractions started up so I got back in the tub. I lost my mucus plug and had the thought, "Oh man, today could be the day!" I am so not ready for this!!! Micah came into the bathroom and found me in the tub when he got home and didn't really think too much of it but I told him I thought today might be the day. He got a little excited but we were both in denial and thought it was too early. I told him to at least tell his Mom so she could look for flights, just in case. 

At around 9 am, the birth center called and needed to reschedule the appointment I had that day because the midwife wasn't feeling well. I told the secretary, "Well, I think I might be in labor but I'm not sure." She then called the midwife and had her call me. When I talked to Kristy, my midwife, I told her what was going on and that I would probably feel better if she could come do a check and see if I am actually in labor or if it's a false alarm. Kristy came over, even thought she had a touch of food poisoning, within the hour. She checked me and I was at 4 cm and 90% effaced. She said it was definitely baby day! I still didn't believe it. Things were too slow and easy and I thought it would still peter out. I also felt bad that her stomach hurt and she still showed up. She was such a trooper. So, I called my friend Lindsey and let her know what was going on. She is a best friend/unofficial doula. I tried to downplay the situation because I didn't want her to go out of her way if it was a false alarm but she was excited and came right over, with lots of yummy goodies from Whole Foods in tow. She is the best!

The day was spent hanging around the house, snacking, watching the Office with intermittent pauses for me to ride out the contractions, which felt like dull waves of pressure. I really didn't feel like I was in labor, I was pretty much in denial till it came time to push. My nephew Manning was having his birthday party that day at the park at 11. So, I told Micah to take the kids to the party for an hour but to not stay too long in case I needed him. I thought about going, but with Lindsey and the midwife there, I thought I should stay home and hope that things would progress.They went to the party and came back and things were still the same. Eventually, we decided to go upstairs and I would get in the tub, thinking maybe that would help things to pick up. I just couldn't get comfortable in the tub. My favorite position was leaning over my big red exercise ball and rocking through the contractions. At some point, the midwife student Kassia showed up. I just love her and was so happy she was there. She has a very positive and calming presence, much like Lindsey, and I liked having them just near me. Around 5 pm, Kristy checked me and said I was 10 cm and could start pushing. I was surprised and excited. I remember touching my forehead and thinking I got to 10 without breaking a sweat!?! That was just crazy.


I kept getting in different positions to try and push but it just didn't feel right. Kristy said the baby's head was cocked to the side and that might be why. For the next 2 hours they had me trying different positions to try and move the baby in the best position. All the while, my water had still not broken, and I thought maybe that was the hold up. Kristy didn't want to break my water yet because the head wasn't in the best spot and it could make it worse if my water broke. Well, after the two hours of trying to get him in the best spot, which was by far, that hardest part of labor up till this point, I was getting frustrated. And tired. None of the things we tried made the baby get in a better position. I was feeling overwhelmed. I had imagined this labor going so quick and easy, just like my pregnancy had been. More and more people had showed up at my house, I could hear all the friends and family and I felt like I was letting everyone down by not pushing the baby out. Like I was wasting everyones time. So, I told everyone who was nonessential to leave the room, I needed to regroup and focus. It was just Kristy, Kassia, Micah and Lindsey in the room with me. I said, "Ok, you are going to break my water and I am going to lay on the bed and just push this baby out!" That was my plan. So, everyone got on board and we attempted my plan.

Kristy got the hook to break my water. Well, 3 contractions later, she still couldn't break it. It was too strong. Apparently, a  side effect of my high protein diet. I was getting mad. I wanted my water to break. So, Alex, the backup midwife gave it a try and was eventually able to break my water. The water rushed out and I was up on my feet, I felt like I jumped out of bed. Things got hard, fast! It was contraction on top of contraction and it was hard. Not painful but just SO exhausting and hard! It took over my body. Labor like that is just hard, hard work! After ten minutes, I was done. My mind got the best of me and I got discouraged. I started screaming and yelling, like a spoiled child,  "I just want it to stop!" " I want the drugs!" "Take me to the hospital!" I didn't mean any of it, but my body was tired and my mind was weak (my throat was sore the next 2 days from the screaming). I laid against the exercise ball and just looked at Lindsey and Micah and thought, I can't do this!


Then, something happened. I thought about the logistics of going to the hospital and what would happen and it made me sick. I rolled onto my side and started pushing as hard and humanly possible. I pushed with every ounce of energy left. I pushed in between contractions and just bore down in the middle of my bedroom on the floor. Something inside me took over and I was a primal woman with a goal and nothing was going to stop me. I was screaming so loud. It was hard. I felt pain. I finally understood why women get epidurals. And then I felt the baby's head coming out and I just kept pushing and screaming. I was afraid baby was going to go back inside! His head came out and I started screaming again, I just wanted baby out! NOW! A few more pushes and the baby came out and it was the best feeling! The pressure stopped and it felt like my body just relaxed, my belly deflated, and this warm, slimy newborn was on my chest. Baby was out and I was so happy!


My Mom looked between the legs and announced it was a BOY! We didn't know up until then and it was a wonderful moment. Baby Luke didn't cry right away and the midwife was a little concerned and they were about to get the oxygen but I knew he was ok and sure enough, he let out a beautiful cry. Layla met her brother first, then we called out for Mason to come in because he wanted to cut the cord. Layla tried to snake that job since he wasn't there, but I don't trust her with scissors and Mason would have been crushed. Mason came in and met Luke and promptly cut the cord, with help from Micah. Mason is very proud of this task. 

May 6th at 7:36 pm my loud little Luke was here! All 8 lbs 8 oz of wonderfulness. My easiest pregnancy was over. The birth proved to be harder than I expected. Really just the last hour and a half was the hard part. Getting a few stitches was awful and the after birth pains of my uterus going back to normal was rough! I took an ibuprofen. I don't like medicine and it was the first ibuprofen I had taken since Mason's birth. I didn't need anything after Layla, but this time, I needed something. I am still so happy that I was able to have another healthy baby at home, and honestly, I am so proud of myself. This labor made me work harder than I thought possible. My body is amazing. I look at the more graphic pictures from the birth (I don't dare post them, but they are pretty cool!) and I can't believe that is me in the pictures. Pushing that baby out of my body. It's just insane.

By day 3, things were good physically. The recovery was still better than my c-section, for sure!  It was harder than Layla's birth, because I didn't need stitches with her, but that's ok. Wouldn't change a thing. Luke is such a happy guy. He nurses like a champ and sleeps like a dream. We are so blessed to have his sweet spirit in our family. It has been an adjustment having 3 kids. I get overwhelmed often because there is so much to do and not enough of me to go around. Most days I just sit and hold my little Luke and thank Heavenly Father for sending him to me.

Luke is named after his uncle Luke who passed away in December of 2012. His middle name Superhero is from one of my favorite stories about Uncle Luke. The way I would describe Luke was a huge wall of muscle. He worked out like nobody else I know. So, he was pretty stacked, yet often times insecure. Well, Luke was at a water park and was in a pool area where a bunch of kids were. They were looking at Luke and whispering. Finally, one of the kids came over to Luke and asked him, "Are you a Superhero??" When Luke was having a hard time or felt insecure, Micah would tell him this story and remind him, "Dude, you're a superhero!"

My Healing HBAC

This was the best moment EVER! A natural high that is worth every bit of the hard work!
She was perfect in everyway! And worth the wait :-)
Mom helping me between pushes
The tub was a great relief during the last bit of labor.
The big belly just after my water broke!

In 2009, I had planned to have a home birth with Mason. Things didn't go at all how we planned, and I ended up with an unnecessary c-section. Since his birth, I felt cheated out of the birth I wanted. I felt angry and sad and broken. So, when I found out I was pregnant again, I was determined to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean). After lots and lots of research, I decided doing our birth at home (HBAC) was the best for me and my baby. It was a long, emotional and difficult journey, but it was SO worth the work!

I was about 42+ weeks pregnant and we were all starting to get a little concerned. Mason had been 9 days late, but this was much longer. I felt perfectly healthy, baby was healthy, but those around me were getting anxious about how long this pregnancy was going and the size of the baby since I was a VBAC. Micah and I prayed....a lot....and we both had the strong feeling that all was ok, we just had to be patient.

On Sunday, October 23rd, from about 9pm-2 am I had been having "contractions". I assumed it was false labor because this had been happening about every other night for the past week. Micah was up late typing papers for school. At one am he was finished and said, "Alright, you can go into labor now that I'm done with my homework". Well, around 2 am my water broke! Contractions went from irregular to about 2-3 minutes apart and were getting stronger. I called my amazing midwife and she said to just call back when things got stronger and longer.

Things picked up quickly, and we called her back and said to head over! These pressure waves (what I call contractions- contractions don't hurt, they just feel like intense pressure!) continued and got stronger and stronger, but I was working through them. I wanted to get into the bath tub, but we wanted to wait for the midwife to check me. She got there, and checked me, and I was at a 7!!! I was so happy :-) This gave me the strength and encouragement to keep going! I got in the tub and worked through more pressure waves. I somehow lost track of time and before I knew it the midwife checked me again and I was at a 9 1/2 centimeters!!!

So, I got out of the tub to try and push on the bed. At first, I didn't like this idea, but once we started pushing, it felt good. Pushing was hard. Again, it didn't hurt, it was just very intense pressure and not so much in my vaginal area, but in my booty. I didn't even feel the "ring of fire" that I was so scared of! I pushed for about 1 hour and 45 minutes (average time for first time Moms). I reached down and felt her head! It was amazing. Everyone was encouraging me and the midwife was massaging and stretching me. Somehow, I dug down and had the strength to keep pushing and she finally came out! Her head came out and I pushed again and Micah pulled her out and put her on my chest!

Talk about the most amazing high you could ever feel!!! Throughout the labor I felt every emotion you could imagine. I wanted to quit. I felt weak. Then strong. In the end, I knew this is what I wanted and I wanted to bring my baby girl into the world free of drugs. This birth was so amazing and it made me feel like superwoman! I have a new found respect for myself and all Mom's!

After about an hour of bonding with my beautiful daughter, they checked me. I had a minor tear, which didn't' even need a stitch. Then we weighed and measure our girl...9 pounds 1 ounce and 21 inches long! That made me even MORE proud! I don't consider myself a big girl, and I birthed a good size baby, drug free, and no serious tearing!

I know how homebirth and natural birth is not for everyone, and most think it is extreme. But, I felt it to be the most natural and empowering experience! I am a wuss when it comes to being sick or in pain, so if I can do it, anyone can! It just takes serious commitment and preparation!

I love being a Mom more than anything and I'm so grateful that I had a healthy pregnancy and birth and that things worked out the way I had hoped! I am truly blessed!

Maternity Photo Shoot

I was not sure if I wanted to take maternity photos or not...but I decided to, since the big belly is my favorite part of pregnancy.

D.I.Y. Headboard

I made my first upholstered headboard for my Mom's new guest room. She picked out the fabric and I did all the work.

Not too bad for a first timer and being 8 months pregnant!

It's got me wanting to do more fun projects....but I may need to focus on having a baby first. Still haven't picked out a name or really bought any clothes. But she has diapers and the house is very clean and organized!! :-)

And just a funny pic of Mason. He apparently likes binkies now and is too cool for chairs. Funny little man!

Mason is 2!!!

Mason got a giant stuffed bear for his birthday...it was cool, but he has way more fun with his pig!
Everyday, first thing, Mason wants to play with the Pig. He chases the pig back and forth till the pig gets tired. It's pretty cute.

I can't believe Mason is two! I have a two year old!?!?
He had me relight the candle about 10 times. My little pyro wanted to keep blowing out the candles. It was more fun than actually eating the cake.

ps- Check out that 30 week preggo belly in the back ground! Yikes :-)

Ketchup!!!

We have been busy the last month or two! So...blogging has taken a backseat. BUT, last night we got a beautiful new iMac :-) and the internet has been set up at our new house, so time to play catch up!

*We went to Santa Barbara for 10 days. It was so wonderful to spend time with family and to enjoy beautiful SB. I still haven't seen Paul Walker (he works out at my brother-in-laws gym) but that's ok. It was perfect weather and we ate lots of yummy Trader Joe's food!

*We moved! To a bigger, nicer home in Plano...with a POOL! Hallelujah! Swimming is so much fun while preggo. I feel weightless. It's awesome. And since the weather in Texas has been over 100 for the past month (or so it feels), the pool is a lifesaver! Even if the water is 91 degrees, I love it!

*Micah started with the fire department! He is already driving the fire engine and learning so much. He loves it and is super sexy in his uniform ;-)

*Micah turned 32! We had a little swim party/BBQ for him. It was great to spend a fun day with friends and family

*Mason turns 2 on Sunday! YIKES....where has the time gone??? Mason is our little parrot. He repeats everything we say. He is a sponge and so big! I love him so much, even if he wears me out day after day!

*My parents bought a baby potbelly pig! It is a fun pet! And Mason loves to go play with the little piggy!

*Baby girl is growing perfectly and is healthy and strong! I'm excited for her arrival and for this birth. My midwife is wonderful. I feel great. My belly is huge and I love it :-)

Well, that's the run down. Those were the main highlights. I'm sure I left stuff out, but I will be able to post more now!

*I will add pics to this soon!